Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
