i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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