She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
