What a fucking waste of an outfit
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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