I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
