Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just gift wrapped bread.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize