I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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