those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
