I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
