He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
