Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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