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if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
