from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
