I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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