He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
