everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
