i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
