I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want a musical about memes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
