kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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