maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
