I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
