i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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