I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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