I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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