Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
