were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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