I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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