Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
