it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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