roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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