saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
