good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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