Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
