Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
