he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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