i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
