well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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