2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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