I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
