if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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