one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
