Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
not ubering you a puppy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
