Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
