So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
