So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
