I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
