I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
