All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
