have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
