Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
