yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
