why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
