After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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