Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
