I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
