dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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