I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
