One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
