it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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