9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
