I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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