I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
