so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
